i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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