Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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