The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
