How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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