Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
