the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
