Do you still have your period?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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