She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
