I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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