Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
