Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
