You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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