Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
