Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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