I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
