Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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