I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
