Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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