Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
