wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
