Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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