I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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