As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
