Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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