wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
