Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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