P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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