I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
