I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
