She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
