community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
