plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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