in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
