On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
