Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's never too late to be topless.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
