My Higher Power is John Stamos
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
