splinters make it hard to masturbate
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
