I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
