hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
