Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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