I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
