so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
