She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
