remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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