the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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