I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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