connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
