I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
