Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
