someone threw a dead crab at me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Terrible idea I love it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
