no, he came in my armpit
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
