True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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