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she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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