he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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