he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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