So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
