Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
