I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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