I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
