Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There r osticjed everywhere
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
