not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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