Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
