Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
