The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
