I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
