He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
