he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Congratulations! We have a period
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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