On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
