why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
