i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize