remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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