gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize