We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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