Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize