finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
