Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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