my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
