My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
